school. life.

so. about school.

they say it's important and that you must graduate to move forward in life. I totally understand that and my goal one day is to graduate.

however, at this point in life, finishing high school is unrealistic. I'm working 2-3 jobs (kennel, hotel and editing), resulting in a schedule that has me leaving at 0630 hrs every morning and many nights not getting back until midnight or later, to wake up and leave at 0630 hours the next day. this has brought me to a point of "chronic exhaustion" in which my brain can not absorb the materials that i need to be able to, in order to finish school.  add that to my lifelong struggle with learning and it honestly looks like it's impossible to graduate right now.

i never wanted life to be this exhausting, stressful or crazy, but none of my jobs give me enough money to pay the bills and get ahead at all, so i have to work all of them. when i try to do school, i can't and it frustrates the heck out of me, on top of adding to an overwhelming cloud of guilt because i'm not doing school. anybody with some knowledge of health can tell you that constant stress is terrible for you, as is constant guilt, and when you add those together, it's a REALLY bad combination. my body/health can testify to that and that has to change.

so. my life {goal, plan, hope, ideal} outlined right now:

*i'm putting a hold on school, indefinitely. i need to graduate someday, that just isn't in the near, foreseeable future.
*i'm going to focus on working, and nothing else
*I am trying to move to Va Beach. I love the place, people, and i'm ready for a change in pace. 
*get myself with a job and a life that will let me recover and get the support i need to finish school
*graduate
*join the Marines



we shall see. but i'd appreciate prayers as i continue on with life, and if you know anyone who'd hire me or has as good, cheap place for rent in the va beach area, let me know. i'm really lonely where i am in life, both in my situation, area, and the season of life. nothing major (minus finances, no biggie...) is holding me back from moving. i just need the opportunities.



also note--Allison Ann Young was born at 0910 hrs today, weighing 9lb, 1oz. kid number 8 in the Young family. i may meet her some day.

life continues on...

life's really actually pretty easy right now. my life consists of doing 42+ hours of school, chores, church, the occasional run and being a klutz. as usual. ......uh. yeah. i need to get involved in another campaign. and yet it feels mad crazy busy. what is up with this?

oh yeah. then there's the big decisions to make. the pondering of stuff. {111 days til i'm 18. aahhh!!!!} the praying and searching. debating stuff, tossing ideas about life around. dreaming. hoping. wishing.

and school. i'm officially convinced that it's the government's plan to try to kill us all and make the earth go extinct. {don't tell them that it's not working too well... the world's ending this year anyhow.}





  anyhow. i found one of my new hobbies. going to this place. climbing on these rocks. {having a few heart-stopping slips.} and not dying. they say the not dying part is good...if you've ever been to Gettysburg, it's kind of like some of the rock formations there, but almost better. the indians went up here for many years and used it for "spying." you can see for miles.

after climbing up the front side of this, we then realized that there was a back side which might have been safer to go up....so we got pics from that side.

michelle is my reenacting buddy and we've decided to go exploring together. she says my dare-devil-ness makes her do more stuff...

i fell off the top of that...landed on a ledge and was like "oh, i'll take a pic." {there was a good many feet to fall after that, had i fallen more.}

this is the cliff that i slipped off the top of...

this is looking down from one of the huge rock formations

i discovered that this place is awesome to go to if you want to work on getting over fear of heights...and hope to go back sometime kind of soon. we shall see. it's amazing how much fun you can have outside in your area. i forgot how many awesome places there are here. i love PA.

this has been one of my favorite songs currently, i guess. it's a really good reminder. no matter how alone we feel, no matter how beaten down i feel, no matter how much i feel like giving up, no matter how tired i am, i'm not alone. Jesus is there. he carries me. all the way. he catches me when i fall. he never leaves me alone.

Awana

starting september 2008, Awana has been my life. 9 months of the year, my Quiz book has practically always been within reach. every tuesday and wednesday for 7-9 months was devoted to Awana.

my life kind of revolved around Awana.

Awana kept me going quite often.

I learned some of my best lessons from it, have some of my best memories from Awana.

and then there was Summit~~Awana nationals. best week of my year, no question about it. {okay, so Generations Joshua Student Action Teams are a close second. so is Values Voter Summit...}

Summit is awesome. you prepare for the better part of a year for it with your team. as a team, you go through moments of borderline hating each other.you go through insane stress an high tempers at times. you get to Summit and realize just how close of a team you are.

then you realize~~you aren't just a team. you're a family.

you win together. you lose together. you succeed together. you mess up together. you laugh so hard you can't breathe. you cry with disappointment. you pray together. everything you do, you remind each other that it's for God's glory. as medals are placed around your neck, you cry together again from stress, happiness, sheer exhaustion, joy, pride and thankfulness. you see each other at your absolute best moments. and you see each other at your absolute worst moments.

for some of us, the Grace Bible Church, Hollidaysburg PA Awana team is our only real family....

3rd place in the nation for AwanaGames

and then, you're told you can't go back. that you're done with the team. that your parents won't let you return.

"WHAT???"

immediately, a bunch of dreams go up in flames...
~getting your Citation at Summit
~getting to the Platinum round of Quiz
~getting 1st in Games
~another, final year with your family, the team

everything i practically own is somehow related to Awana... down to my shoes. medals are hanging by my bed. medals and trrophies and certificates in the schoolroom. medals, certificates, pictures, ribbons, everything is hanging in my area of the attic. even my bible sitting next to me was chosen specifically for Awana Bible Quiz....

i miss Awana. i feel so lost without it. it was what really helped me get to know God, to learn about him, and allowed me to be around other strong christians...

i've missed it so much over summer, but hey, it was ok 'cause i was going to go back in september.

but apparently God has other plans for this year. His ways are best.

but that doesn't meant that it doesn't hurt...i took down most of my Awana stuff today because seeing the stuff all over just hurt worse. i had to blink back tears while packing it up, but it's ok. it'll be ok.

i'll leave 12 or so medals up, in the attic and next to my bed. and a few pics. oh, and the 30 yds of Games tape that I was wrapped in...good memories.

someday, i'm going to unpack my Awana stuff and display it. but for now, it looks like it's time to just move on. when God moves us past something, it's for a good reason, and usually for something better...i can't imagine what. but i'll trust his plan.

{this song has been stuck in my head a lot. the Daniel Doss Band came to Summit my first year~~they hold a special place in my heart.}

Army. Or, what I have concluded to do for the next 10 months...hopefully

so. after a lot of time thinking and researching, i kind of have an idea of what I want to do.

i still want to join the army. this is a definite.

i'm going to try to finish high school. we shall see how that goes. at least work as hard as i can on school until i turn 18. after that, what happens is still up in the air.

college might be possible. but i def want to do ROTC. i might just join and deal with being at the lowest level. not totally sure yet.

i still want to get into politics, farther on down the road. it may be 20 years.

so yeah.

this could be summed up as: i don't know what i'm going to do, really. all i know is i'm going to do something. and aim for the Army. and when i'm closer to being 18, i'll figure it out more..hopefully.

and i'll be praying about it too. a lot.

Army?

i'm finally facing reality and realizing that my dreams are just that--dreams. they won't happen. i need to be realistic about my future. yea, being President would be awesome. but let's be realistic. it's not going to happen. same with other dreams. becoming a k-9 bloodhound SAR trainer, and paramedic, specializing in dealing with drugs. running for Congress. being in politics all my life.

that's why i'm seriously considering joining the U.S. Army.

i have reasons.

1. i want to serve my country.

2. i've dreamed about doing it for years--since i was like 5.

3. i want to prove that i can do it.

4. i want to show that you can be in the military and still be a lady.

5. i want to show that being a female and in the military is honorable.

6. i want to do something honorable with my life.

7. for the experience and discipline.
8. it's a good way to "rebel" without it being wrong or doing anything stupid.
9. it'll give me a good foundation for anything else in life.

but i'm not totally sure what to do now. i wanted to do Army ROTC while in college...but right now, it's looking like i won't be going to college. maybe not even finishing high school. i'd like to get my GED and join right now, but i'm not old enough. and that would have me entering at the lowest level of the Army, which really wouldn't be cool. so i'm kind of stuck.

i need to fail somewhere. i have this thing for being able to bounce back from anything pretty well. sometime it's not going to happen. it might as well happen with my schoolwork. with highschool. and i might as well show everyone i won't always meet their expectations. at least in joining the Army, some people will support it.

 i'm waiting for some replies from friends in the Army and Navy who would be able to give me some experienced advice. hopefully what they say will give me some more of an idea of what to do...

some of my friends fully support me. others are ok with it, although it's not what they would choose. family does not. but then again, nothing is ok with the family. so that doesn't really matter in what i decide.

why Army? it's basically the hardest physically, other than the Marines. it has the longest deployments. it's the biggest branch of the armed forces.

"you couldn't deal with all the yelling and being pushed around in the military." wanna see? "you'll be teased forever about being so short." nothing new. i can deal with it. "girls can't be in the military." i can.

growing up is hard. thinking through my future is hard. it's kind of not cool. 

these are just a few thoughts of mine on this. i might write more later. we shall see.