life?

life is crazy. i'm not sure if that's how God planned it to be...but it's how my life happens.

i got to go to Virginia last week with Generation Joshua to work on the Jeff Frederick state senate race. the team was pretty tiny (under 20 kids) and to be honest, i was kind of worried about how that would work out--i'm not a big fan of drama, but God is good and it was amazing. long story short, we fought hard, made lots of good memories, lost the race, but had fun. this was an awesome campaign to be part of.

i came straight back to the ELM staff training. somehow i find myself in the midst of helping open a crisis pregnancy center locally and all that entails, such as applications, clearance forms and background checks. (who knew that you could mess up an one page release form 7 times?? somehow, at training on wednesday night, someone mentioned to me that a good friend of mine had died that morning. blah, kind of not cool. around 20 hours of crisis pregnancy center staff training, 5 days, one funeral and lots of craziness later, here i am. ready to attack school and life? maybe not. but this i do know. 

You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all

So I'll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

random writing

there are times that something just gets into me. and i write. and write. and write. pages will fill up, seemingly on their own...

like a tree

dry, dusty, dormant

in the wind

waving, bending, breaking

alive

inside, deep down, surrounded by cold

dipping in the breeze, breaking in the gale, yet never snapping.

sunshine

rises, warms, brings life

aliveness slowly rises to flow, touching branches awakening buds, welcoming flowers

birds alight, bees swarm, sun light brings life.

rain falls

nourishing, cooling, refreshing

cleaning, inviting life, bringing joy, reflecting.

leaves blossom

covering, hiding, protecting, 

pulling life into deepest roots, storing energy, building strength.

it grows.

it lives on.

slowly.

always.

strong.

stability

i like stability. not necessarily routine, but stability. it gives me a sense of security. so i work my life out, til everything seems relatively stable. my schedule, where i keep thing, how my drawers & closet are organized, even down to who is on speed dial and in what order.

then something messes it up.

~i find out something that i considered just an annoyance was kind of serious.

~not being able to keep up with deadlines and expectations.

~being pulled out of Awana.

~getting my phone confiscated.

small things. but they throw off my sense of security--making me feel small and exposed, weak and confused, lost...anything but secure.

then i wake up, and "Strong Tower" pops into my head, and i hum it all morning. it gets me to thinking about this:

"for he will hide me in his shelter

in the day of trouble;

he will conceal me under the cover of his tent;

he will lift me high upon a rock.

the Lord is my strength and my shield;

in him my heart trusts, and i am helped;

my heart exults,

and with my song i give thanks to him.

the Lord is the strength of his people;

he is the saving refuge of his anointed.

God is our refuge and strength,

a very present help in trouble.

cast your burden on the Lord,

and he will sustain you;

he will never permit

the righteous to be moved.

when i am afraid,

i put my trust in you.

 in God, whose word i praise,

in God i trust; i shall not be afraid.

what can flesh do to me?

from the end of the earth i call to you

when my heart is faint.

lead me to the rock

that is higher than i,

for you have been my refuge,

a strong tower against the enemy.

 for God alone my soul waits in silence;

from him comes my salvation.

he alone is my rock and my salvation,

my fortress; i shall not be greatly shaken."

{Psalms 27:5, 28:7-8, 46:1, 55:22, 56:3-4,61:2-3, 62:1-2

i'm not secure on my own and nothing i can do will make me secure. i can't be. i'm human. not invincible. {as much as i like to think i am...} often when we set up our lives so they seem perfect, we are just setting ourselves up for disaster, like dominoes. one part gets knocked over and everything else follows. 


that's why we have God as our refuge, our stronghold, our rock. our security. he's here and he's not leaving. no matter what. when everything is a mess, God's here. when everything's perfect, God's here. he's unchanging.


he gives the strength we need.


i'm going to start trusting God more. he knows what he's doing.

Values Voter Summit

okay.

i’m excited.

like, really really excited. like uber excited. in 3 weeks, is the Family Research Council’s Values Voter Summit. and I get to go student staff for the second year.

basically, my job is to stand near the entrance of the hotel (inside) and direct the 1500-2000 lost people towards the right direction, then attempt to explain to them how to get to the right place they’re looking for. it sounds boring, but it’s so epically amazing. last year, i got into a pretty intense debate with some SCOTUS  lawyers {Supreme Court} about the Parental Rights Amendment and morals that all started with the silly bands i was wearing. a lady went out and bought me a banana because she was worried about my potassium level.  i helpessly watched the FRC duck fall down the stairs (he was ok). oh yes. i made friends with the Duggar’s bodyguard. like, the Duggars from “19 Kids & Counting.” yup. that was cool. i helped Mike Huckabee get unlost from the labyrinth also known as the Omni Shoreham of DC.

VVS 2010 student staff team--Esther, Noelle, Timothy, Elizabeth, Felix, Nicole & Kristi

and i learned that if you hear someone yell “MEDIA!!!!!” that means to move out of the main path, stat, otherwise reporters bearing cameras will throw you into the nearest wall. yeah. then there's the gala...which is interesting. somehow, standing for 12-15 hrs a day straight adds to the amazingness of it all--which i have yet to figure out how that works. maybe it's the adrenaline that kicks in to keep you running.

anyhow. this year, Ron Paul’s going to be there. i'm kind of excited because 2012 will be my first election to vote in and he's looking like the best choice so far. (that's for another post, probably after VVS.) Rick Perry, Michele Bachmann, Lila Rose, John Boehner, Ken Cuccinelli, Mitt Romney and a bunch of other big name people will be there too. it should prove to be interesting...

all that to say—VVS may not sound like it’s all that great. but I’m insanely excited for it. it's amazing and it starts in 20 days. yeeeah buddy!! some of last year's team is coming back, and we're welcoming some new members this year. so yeah! DC, prepare for more rockstar awesomeness.

{yes, this is all kind of random. meet noelle young. especially when she's tired..}

Awana

starting september 2008, Awana has been my life. 9 months of the year, my Quiz book has practically always been within reach. every tuesday and wednesday for 7-9 months was devoted to Awana.

my life kind of revolved around Awana.

Awana kept me going quite often.

I learned some of my best lessons from it, have some of my best memories from Awana.

and then there was Summit~~Awana nationals. best week of my year, no question about it. {okay, so Generations Joshua Student Action Teams are a close second. so is Values Voter Summit...}

Summit is awesome. you prepare for the better part of a year for it with your team. as a team, you go through moments of borderline hating each other.you go through insane stress an high tempers at times. you get to Summit and realize just how close of a team you are.

then you realize~~you aren't just a team. you're a family.

you win together. you lose together. you succeed together. you mess up together. you laugh so hard you can't breathe. you cry with disappointment. you pray together. everything you do, you remind each other that it's for God's glory. as medals are placed around your neck, you cry together again from stress, happiness, sheer exhaustion, joy, pride and thankfulness. you see each other at your absolute best moments. and you see each other at your absolute worst moments.

for some of us, the Grace Bible Church, Hollidaysburg PA Awana team is our only real family....

3rd place in the nation for AwanaGames

and then, you're told you can't go back. that you're done with the team. that your parents won't let you return.

"WHAT???"

immediately, a bunch of dreams go up in flames...
~getting your Citation at Summit
~getting to the Platinum round of Quiz
~getting 1st in Games
~another, final year with your family, the team

everything i practically own is somehow related to Awana... down to my shoes. medals are hanging by my bed. medals and trrophies and certificates in the schoolroom. medals, certificates, pictures, ribbons, everything is hanging in my area of the attic. even my bible sitting next to me was chosen specifically for Awana Bible Quiz....

i miss Awana. i feel so lost without it. it was what really helped me get to know God, to learn about him, and allowed me to be around other strong christians...

i've missed it so much over summer, but hey, it was ok 'cause i was going to go back in september.

but apparently God has other plans for this year. His ways are best.

but that doesn't meant that it doesn't hurt...i took down most of my Awana stuff today because seeing the stuff all over just hurt worse. i had to blink back tears while packing it up, but it's ok. it'll be ok.

i'll leave 12 or so medals up, in the attic and next to my bed. and a few pics. oh, and the 30 yds of Games tape that I was wrapped in...good memories.

someday, i'm going to unpack my Awana stuff and display it. but for now, it looks like it's time to just move on. when God moves us past something, it's for a good reason, and usually for something better...i can't imagine what. but i'll trust his plan.

{this song has been stuck in my head a lot. the Daniel Doss Band came to Summit my first year~~they hold a special place in my heart.}

Summer

this summer didn’t exactly go as I planned. or hoped. but isn’t that kind of how things go?

some stuff was kind of rather very awesome.

~my job ended out working out a whole lot better than I thought it would

~ being in a different environment all summer

~random ice fights at work
~learning that there are times when it is totally ok and appropriate to end up sitting on the floor because you're laughing so hard
~being the crazy one at work

~ definitely, the best part was having a certain friendship become one of the best things of my life

then there were some of the more “meh” things.

~like CPS getting involved in my life (that’s another whole blog post)

~not getting to spend time outside

~almost drowning in Lake Michigan (hmm…last time I was there, we jumped off a ~25’ pier and this year, I almost drown in the beach part.)

~sticking a box cutter into my pinkie and severing a nerve….all while trying to cut open a box of chicken

and then there are the unclassifiable things

~like spending the majority of my summer in a tired, HYYYYYPEEERRRRR, semi-confused, dazed state of mind and being

~learning you can slip on a wet floor and sprain your knee, then resprain it later

~realizing that after wearing green and khaki 6 days a week, your brain automatically chooses those colors

after all the craziness of this summer, part of me thinks this winter is also going to have its adventures….

actually, I *know* it is.

but God is good. and i'm going to make it.

Lead Me to The Rock

i kind of like music. a lot. it's saved my life more than once. sooo....don't be surprised if approximately every other post is about music.

i got the CompassionArt album the other day. i really hated it at first, but since listening to it like 6 times, i'm discovering it's actually a pretty good album. this one song, by Paul Baloche, has really hit me.

When my heart is overwhelmed
And my eyes are blind to you
And the pain of life is just too heavy to bear
When the mountain seems so high
And my faith too weak to climb
Lord, lead me to the rock that is higher than I
Lead me to the rock
Lead me to the rock
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I
When my life is hit with fear
And I fight to hide the tears
And I wrestle in my heart to know what to do
Lord, I’m welling up inside
But I know you hear my cry
Jesus, lead me to the rock that is higher than I
You are the rock, there is no other
A tower of strength, you are my shelter
You are my hope eternal
You are the rock that is higher than I

 i'll keep coming back to this, but it's true. we don't have to do life on our own. we have Jesus, our rock, with us. He's not going to move. He'll always be there for us. and He knows everything. he knows when we are crying in the inside and can't show it. He knows when we have pain so deep, so painful, inside us, pain that there aren't words for. and He cares. He's our shelter, and our daddy. He's the one who gives us the ultimate comfort.

Army. Or, what I have concluded to do for the next 10 months...hopefully

so. after a lot of time thinking and researching, i kind of have an idea of what I want to do.

i still want to join the army. this is a definite.

i'm going to try to finish high school. we shall see how that goes. at least work as hard as i can on school until i turn 18. after that, what happens is still up in the air.

college might be possible. but i def want to do ROTC. i might just join and deal with being at the lowest level. not totally sure yet.

i still want to get into politics, farther on down the road. it may be 20 years.

so yeah.

this could be summed up as: i don't know what i'm going to do, really. all i know is i'm going to do something. and aim for the Army. and when i'm closer to being 18, i'll figure it out more..hopefully.

and i'll be praying about it too. a lot.

Army?

i'm finally facing reality and realizing that my dreams are just that--dreams. they won't happen. i need to be realistic about my future. yea, being President would be awesome. but let's be realistic. it's not going to happen. same with other dreams. becoming a k-9 bloodhound SAR trainer, and paramedic, specializing in dealing with drugs. running for Congress. being in politics all my life.

that's why i'm seriously considering joining the U.S. Army.

i have reasons.

1. i want to serve my country.

2. i've dreamed about doing it for years--since i was like 5.

3. i want to prove that i can do it.

4. i want to show that you can be in the military and still be a lady.

5. i want to show that being a female and in the military is honorable.

6. i want to do something honorable with my life.

7. for the experience and discipline.
8. it's a good way to "rebel" without it being wrong or doing anything stupid.
9. it'll give me a good foundation for anything else in life.

but i'm not totally sure what to do now. i wanted to do Army ROTC while in college...but right now, it's looking like i won't be going to college. maybe not even finishing high school. i'd like to get my GED and join right now, but i'm not old enough. and that would have me entering at the lowest level of the Army, which really wouldn't be cool. so i'm kind of stuck.

i need to fail somewhere. i have this thing for being able to bounce back from anything pretty well. sometime it's not going to happen. it might as well happen with my schoolwork. with highschool. and i might as well show everyone i won't always meet their expectations. at least in joining the Army, some people will support it.

 i'm waiting for some replies from friends in the Army and Navy who would be able to give me some experienced advice. hopefully what they say will give me some more of an idea of what to do...

some of my friends fully support me. others are ok with it, although it's not what they would choose. family does not. but then again, nothing is ok with the family. so that doesn't really matter in what i decide.

why Army? it's basically the hardest physically, other than the Marines. it has the longest deployments. it's the biggest branch of the armed forces.

"you couldn't deal with all the yelling and being pushed around in the military." wanna see? "you'll be teased forever about being so short." nothing new. i can deal with it. "girls can't be in the military." i can.

growing up is hard. thinking through my future is hard. it's kind of not cool. 

these are just a few thoughts of mine on this. i might write more later. we shall see.

Life

 life sometimes stinks. it doesn't go the way we planned or hoped. it brings pain we don't want. but God is still good.

i just heard this song on the radio. it's pretty epic. Jesus doesn't leave us when we fall. Jesus doesn't push us or our pain away. Jesus loves us not matter what. He's always there for us. He knows how many stars are in the sky. how many grains of sand are on the beach. and He loves us. He calls for us to come to Him, so we can know His perfect love. and when we know that love, all the pain of life, how much life stinks sometimes, it all fades away. 

thank You, Jesus!

Reach--by Peter Furler
You hold the weight of the world
Still I don’t slip through Your hands
Your love is bigger
Than just a notion built by man
I fall again and again,
But you whisper, “You’re still mine.”
You feel the pain of the world,
But you never push mine aside.

(Chorus)
And You reach for me
With a love that quiets all my fears
And You reach for me
Like a Father wipes away the tears
So many people in this world,
But I hear You calling out my name.
You reach for me.
Now I’m never gonna be the same.

You know all of my fears
There’s nothing Your eyes can’t see.
When I tried to give up,
Lord, You never gave up on me.
I give You all of my hopes and dreams,
I lay them down.
Of all the place I’ve looked,
You’re the one truth I have found.


You hold the weight of the world,
Still I don’t slip through Your hands.
You put the stars in the sky.
You know every grain of sand.

blessings

Blessings. we usually think of blessings as something that we can see as good. something that is new, or better, something good. 

but check this out. Laura Story's song, called "Blessings"

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home


Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ

what if those sleepless nights are really a blessing? what if those tears really are blessings?
maybe we have these trials to bring us closer to God. i think they do. i know they do.