Lead Me to The Rock

i kind of like music. a lot. it's saved my life more than once. sooo....don't be surprised if approximately every other post is about music.

i got the CompassionArt album the other day. i really hated it at first, but since listening to it like 6 times, i'm discovering it's actually a pretty good album. this one song, by Paul Baloche, has really hit me.

When my heart is overwhelmed
And my eyes are blind to you
And the pain of life is just too heavy to bear
When the mountain seems so high
And my faith too weak to climb
Lord, lead me to the rock that is higher than I
Lead me to the rock
Lead me to the rock
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I
When my life is hit with fear
And I fight to hide the tears
And I wrestle in my heart to know what to do
Lord, I’m welling up inside
But I know you hear my cry
Jesus, lead me to the rock that is higher than I
You are the rock, there is no other
A tower of strength, you are my shelter
You are my hope eternal
You are the rock that is higher than I

 i'll keep coming back to this, but it's true. we don't have to do life on our own. we have Jesus, our rock, with us. He's not going to move. He'll always be there for us. and He knows everything. he knows when we are crying in the inside and can't show it. He knows when we have pain so deep, so painful, inside us, pain that there aren't words for. and He cares. He's our shelter, and our daddy. He's the one who gives us the ultimate comfort.

Army. Or, what I have concluded to do for the next 10 months...hopefully

so. after a lot of time thinking and researching, i kind of have an idea of what I want to do.

i still want to join the army. this is a definite.

i'm going to try to finish high school. we shall see how that goes. at least work as hard as i can on school until i turn 18. after that, what happens is still up in the air.

college might be possible. but i def want to do ROTC. i might just join and deal with being at the lowest level. not totally sure yet.

i still want to get into politics, farther on down the road. it may be 20 years.

so yeah.

this could be summed up as: i don't know what i'm going to do, really. all i know is i'm going to do something. and aim for the Army. and when i'm closer to being 18, i'll figure it out more..hopefully.

and i'll be praying about it too. a lot.

Army?

i'm finally facing reality and realizing that my dreams are just that--dreams. they won't happen. i need to be realistic about my future. yea, being President would be awesome. but let's be realistic. it's not going to happen. same with other dreams. becoming a k-9 bloodhound SAR trainer, and paramedic, specializing in dealing with drugs. running for Congress. being in politics all my life.

that's why i'm seriously considering joining the U.S. Army.

i have reasons.

1. i want to serve my country.

2. i've dreamed about doing it for years--since i was like 5.

3. i want to prove that i can do it.

4. i want to show that you can be in the military and still be a lady.

5. i want to show that being a female and in the military is honorable.

6. i want to do something honorable with my life.

7. for the experience and discipline.
8. it's a good way to "rebel" without it being wrong or doing anything stupid.
9. it'll give me a good foundation for anything else in life.

but i'm not totally sure what to do now. i wanted to do Army ROTC while in college...but right now, it's looking like i won't be going to college. maybe not even finishing high school. i'd like to get my GED and join right now, but i'm not old enough. and that would have me entering at the lowest level of the Army, which really wouldn't be cool. so i'm kind of stuck.

i need to fail somewhere. i have this thing for being able to bounce back from anything pretty well. sometime it's not going to happen. it might as well happen with my schoolwork. with highschool. and i might as well show everyone i won't always meet their expectations. at least in joining the Army, some people will support it.

 i'm waiting for some replies from friends in the Army and Navy who would be able to give me some experienced advice. hopefully what they say will give me some more of an idea of what to do...

some of my friends fully support me. others are ok with it, although it's not what they would choose. family does not. but then again, nothing is ok with the family. so that doesn't really matter in what i decide.

why Army? it's basically the hardest physically, other than the Marines. it has the longest deployments. it's the biggest branch of the armed forces.

"you couldn't deal with all the yelling and being pushed around in the military." wanna see? "you'll be teased forever about being so short." nothing new. i can deal with it. "girls can't be in the military." i can.

growing up is hard. thinking through my future is hard. it's kind of not cool. 

these are just a few thoughts of mine on this. i might write more later. we shall see.

Life

 life sometimes stinks. it doesn't go the way we planned or hoped. it brings pain we don't want. but God is still good.

i just heard this song on the radio. it's pretty epic. Jesus doesn't leave us when we fall. Jesus doesn't push us or our pain away. Jesus loves us not matter what. He's always there for us. He knows how many stars are in the sky. how many grains of sand are on the beach. and He loves us. He calls for us to come to Him, so we can know His perfect love. and when we know that love, all the pain of life, how much life stinks sometimes, it all fades away. 

thank You, Jesus!

Reach--by Peter Furler
You hold the weight of the world
Still I don’t slip through Your hands
Your love is bigger
Than just a notion built by man
I fall again and again,
But you whisper, “You’re still mine.”
You feel the pain of the world,
But you never push mine aside.

(Chorus)
And You reach for me
With a love that quiets all my fears
And You reach for me
Like a Father wipes away the tears
So many people in this world,
But I hear You calling out my name.
You reach for me.
Now I’m never gonna be the same.

You know all of my fears
There’s nothing Your eyes can’t see.
When I tried to give up,
Lord, You never gave up on me.
I give You all of my hopes and dreams,
I lay them down.
Of all the place I’ve looked,
You’re the one truth I have found.


You hold the weight of the world,
Still I don’t slip through Your hands.
You put the stars in the sky.
You know every grain of sand.